well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
