I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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