Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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