i would punch a child for taco bell
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
