Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
