Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
