Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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