I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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