Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
