tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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