i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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