GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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