I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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