I looked at my own cervix.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
