goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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