So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
