It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize