her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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