All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
