I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
