i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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