don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize