It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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