I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
