my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
