Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
