is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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