My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
