Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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