Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
