thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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