I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
