do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
