Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
