Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
