just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
