My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I had to cum in my sink.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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