Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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