Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
