chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
