omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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