3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
