At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
