i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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