Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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