He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Non-Jews are for practice
barbara walters just said penis...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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