Someone shit on the floor
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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