it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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