remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She even gives head with a lisp.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
