there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
