I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
