I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
