So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
