idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
