I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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