There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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