why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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