so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You may now shotgun with the bride
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
