I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
