now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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