Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
