its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
