I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
