I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
