The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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