so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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