Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize