We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
