i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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