If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
