I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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