Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
