38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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